At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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