Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
