I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
