these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
