I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
