did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
