It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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