make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
