So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
