11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
