She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
