there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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