Kiss
Puke
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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