Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
