Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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