Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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