I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
