when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
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