glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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