In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
