Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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