yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
