need another drink. this is the easiest way
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
