woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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