she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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