I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
So much rum. So many feels.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
