I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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