Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
