you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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