this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
