I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
