This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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