blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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