the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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