This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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