the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
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I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
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Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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