no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
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