Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
