Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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