I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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