I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Boobs speak an international language.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
