The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
