I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
