why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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