When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
