it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
