i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
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Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
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I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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