We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
