I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
