In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
