I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm sobbing to NWA
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
