WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
love makes seman taste better
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
