Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
