Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
