a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
