i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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