He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
