This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
