yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
