what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
