why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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