i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
we should paint friendship bongs
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
