u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
