Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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