Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
where are my pants?
in the oven.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
