I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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