Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
