Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
