playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
