girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
