VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
