how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
