So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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