Where is the hickey?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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