You made me cry and you don't even care
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
