shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
