Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
