just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
