uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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