your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Let's get the cat blown out
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
