I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
and you fell through a lawn chair
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