They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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