i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
