right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
